The Rebate

I find myself easily wounded the last couple days. I haven't meditated, other than 5 minutes with the Holy Spirit, and, frankly, I am sensing a rebate on my neurosis.

I noticed it yesterday when my kid slipped on the floor whilst playing with her cousins. Boom, kid down. One of the cousins started laughing hysterically. It seems that any time the cousins fall, they laugh and that keeps them from crying when not absolutely necessary. With 4 cousins under the age of 7 in the house, I can see the wisdom in this theory. It gets pretty loud, especially when you throw in the kiddo.

Anyway, she slipped, and cousin laughed. I noticed that I felt somehow mortally wounded. I just felt sad, like crying sad. I think that I must have had one of those not-in-this-moment flashbacks where my brothers were laughing at me and I wasn't laughing, but I didn't know that yesterday. I just felt like my feelings were hurt, and I felt this way for way too long.

I thought, you must be tired. And, wow, I'm not (spiritally) well today. Implied in this last thought, I better relax and take it easy. This is not the time to complain or get into gossip or get into debates. When I am spiritually off the beam, I will defend my opinion to the last. I start the war innocently enough. "Can you believe that people actually vote based on whether someone is pro or anti abortion rights?" I seemed to forget that I know that members of my family, to whom I am speaking, vote this way. Guess what? All other things being equal, so do I.

Luckily, I was spared the pain of starting the right v. wrong war. This is progress. Still, I thought it was weird that I would be so hurt when the cousin didn't laugh at me.

This is the epic story of my life prior to age 38 1/2 or so. In at least the last few months, I have been lifted out of this pain. Since I altered my spirital practice including watching daytime TV, I got a rebate. A neurotic refund.