My Husband Says I look Sexier When I Meditate

My husband says I look sexier when I meditate.

At first, I wanted to control. I asked him what exactly does that mean? I figured if I understood exactly what he meant that I could reproduce the results when it suited me. Or, I could avoid the doing whatever caused the symptoms as necessary.

Somehow, in less than a nanosecond, I have turned a lovely compliment into a problem that requires careful management.

Once again, there is no problem, only the moment. I think I felt vulnerable, and somewhat surprised. Vulnerable is a feeling that I have spent a lifetime and at least $100,000 of therapy trying to avoid, but mindfulness means being with what is going on. I am practicing.

But not before I asked him what exactly does that mean.

"I don't know. I just noticed. I don't have anymore information. It is not to be figured out. I am just enjoying it," says he.

Oh, that's right. I said that I wanted a joyful, in the moment husband. That's why I encouraged him to take that meditation class. I don't have to understand. I can just relax and take it in. No need to figure it out. I think "thank you" is the appropriate response here. I am practicing that also.

I must admit, when he shared his observation while sitting across from me on the sofa, he started looking pretty sexy too.

When I was single and dating, I was told to "stay off the sofa" so that there wouldn't be any unplanned sexual activity for at least 30 days. The idea was that you need at least that long to get to ascertain whether this person was worthy of emotional entanglement. It's very hard to go back to holding hands once the deed has been done. The thinking here is that perspective & logic get drowned by lovely brain chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin. The body and brain mistakenly decide this is "the one." I was told that a having a plan would help buy some time as I sought the answer to the question: would he be Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now or, dare I hope, both?

As long as I sat in the chair, it worked. However, not everyone practiced that suggestion, and there were times that I would forget to mention it. Like I said, it was hard to go back to holding hands. I was so attracted to my husband on our first date that I sat on the cold, hardwood floor. I even tore a hole in knee of my jeans. He was my most difficult sofa-challenge. He was my personal Olympics of sofa-challenges.

Having been married nearly seven years, the emerging mystery has faded into something less than an emergency. I now know with certainty that my husband is worthy, and the deed has been done and then some. The sofa-challenge has evolved from let's enjoy "dessert" on the sofa to let's eat a rice krispy bar on the sofa, and watch Idol.

Oddly enough, since he mentioned it, I noticed that I am actually feeling sexier after meditating, in addition to looking sexier. I am going to take my meditated, sexier-looking self over to the sofa and enjoy my Mr. Right, right now. But first, lemon cake.