Lead with the positive

I spent the evening with my husband and 1,000 other people attempting to live according to spiritual principles. I spoke with some of them and I was really surprised a common theme. They lead with the problem. Ask them how they are and you get: Good, but. Then you hear the pain, the things that they haven't accepted about themselves. The times that they fell below the mark.

We do that. How many times have I led with my pain? After many years of living for "appearances," I learned in therapy that when people ask me how I am I should tell them. I feel sad about this, bad about that. I thought I was being honest, but I wasn't telling the truth.

But is it? When asked, I could have responded, "Well, I scolded my daughter for shaking cumin all over the kitchen while trying to make me dinner and I feel bad about it." Just writing this makes me feel bad. However, I have accepted forgiveness. I made a mistake. I admitted it and I told her that I was sorry, that I didn't understand that she was trying to do something nice for us. I consider the matter closed, except to share it here. 

Having been forgiven, this does not define how I am as a person or even a mother. It  is not how I am. Actually, I am well. I am peaceful. I am a beautiful, intelligent woman. I am loved deeply. I love deeply and growing in love. I am passionate, interested and excited about life. I am curious about my world. I am a devoted wife and mother. I am happy, joyous and free. 

This is the truth of how I am today. 

I suppose I could have shared about the tremendous well of grief today that I can feel now that I meditate daily. I could have shared my back and pelvic pain. I could have shared all the fear I feel because I don't know or understand what is going on most of the time. And on and on. This version of truth is only part of the story, the fleeting moments of insecurity and pain. They pass. They are not real. They are just some weird idea I hooked onto today. 

I used to think that if I share this personal drama, I would get some credit for working my program in the face of such adversity. They would think I have grown spiritually. I am a giant. I am dealing with life on life's terms. In my desire to appear spiritual, I got it wrong.

Even though we are taught in therapy that we are supposed to share exactly what is going on in our minds at the exact time this question is asked, I will not. I share the hurt and pain with those chosen, trusted few who can give me the gift of listening without judgement and without trying to fix the situation or cheer me up. These folks listen without pity, but with love and concern. 

Most folks are not up to the task of this kind of love. I pray to be worthy to truly listen and comfort those in pain today. However, trying to do this with all responding to the question would be exhausting, spiritually exhausting. This level of sharing with a virtual stranger would probably just make them feel overexposed. Then they would just beat themselves up some more. Just like I do sometimes when I gossip about myself while answering the question, "How are you." 

God, let me answer the question with the honest answer: I am well. I am enjoying my days, most moments of my days. I have never been happier. I am blessed.