An important member of my cabinet is moving on. Over the years, I have assembled a team of experts to provide support and encouragement for the life I have today. Since I have little or no training or practice for most of the important areas of my life, such as, intuitive eating, marriage, parenting, family, friends, sleep apnea, home & auto ownership, meditation, and blogging to name a few, I surround myself with quality teachers.
Mostly, I need them to listen. I share honestly what's happening and how I feel about what's happening. Only then am I able to be open and willing to what they have to tell me. I am a handful, but I diversify so it's not - all Jody, all the time. I also do exactly what they tell me to do.
I choose my cabinet wisely. I look at credentials; I ask for references. I also notice what happens when talk. I look for warmth, understanding, and directness. I want them to tell me the truth as they see it. I listen to what they say, even if I don't like it. I value their time so I try not to give them a lot of complaining or whining, but I also need for them to really listen without judgment.
Today, my eating and exercise guru told me she is moving. This position is critical to my survival. I will miss her, and I am happy for her. I'm a little jealous. She is leaving the frozen tundra for one of my favorite cities.
I also felt some fear about the change. I have habit of fearing change. So, I asked myself, what are you afraid of? Not finding an adequate replacement? No, this cabinet position is so important that I know someone great will be provided. Maybe I'll learn some new things that will improve upon my progress.
What I really am afraid of is the feelings about the change. I have grown to love and respect this person. I am going to miss her wise counsel.
I have experienced the transformation of grief into joy as the result of applying my mindfulness & compassion practice. Many of the previous posts in this blog document the process. Still, I don't want to. Sitting in the pain and waiting for it to pass requires a boat load of courage. I don't always feel up to it.
Somehow, I did sit with it today. As usual, the resistance to the pain is way worse than just sitting with it until it passes. For less time than the typical sitcom, I have the possibility of grace. You'd think that would be an easy choice, but at any time of day you can find an old episode of Friends or The Girls Next Door.
I know for certain that the cabinet position won't be filled until I make room in my heart for it. To feel or not to feel. The question is - how much do I want to suffer?
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