Open Letter to the Media

This blog is an open response to the barrage of comments that I heard upon returning from vacation.

Dear Media Personalities,

Please stop speaking of John Edwards' marriage and infidelity.

You have consistently made the point that he and his wife misrepresented themselves in public and, therefore, lied to us. I disagree with this assessment. Most of us present the best of who we believe ourselves to be. The Edwards' are just like the rest of us. We are basically good people who make mistakes (regularly) and are doing our best to find ways to work with them and make amends. All of us deal with our shortcomings in private first. We cannot share perspective until we have had the opportunity and time to achieve understanding of our part in the situation. The Edwards' have not been allowed the time to sort through this family crisis.

Further, in every marital situation, both parties have a role. Perhaps the person who has not cheated has a very small part in the situation, say 10% responsibility. Maybe he or she was distracted and didn't tend to the marriage. Even if the distraction was righteous, without full acknowledgment of that 10%, there will be no moving forward for him or her. He or she will remain a victim. Both parties must attend to the marriage and their part in creating and maintaining it as healthy.

The Edwards' have suffered from life circumstances of grief and disappointment that would overwhelm any mortal. Coping with these losses is an ongoing process for individuals, and we don't ever do it perfectly. Thus, we don't come together to support each other perfectly. In trying times, we have a hard time asking for what we need and then providing our partners what they need due to our own confusion and pain.

Finally, you seem to indicate that the fact that the mistress became pregnant makes Mr. Edwards mistake worse. From a moral standpoint, I disagree. Was it wrong to participate in an extra marital affair? Of course. Is it worse because the mistress became pregnant? Again, morally, I don't think so. While it is true that an additional mistake was made by not using adequate birth control, Senator Edwards was not alone in this mistake either. Ultimately, what will be challenging for the Edwards' is that they will have an ongoing reminder of this mistake. They will have to find a loving way to treat this child and each other as they move forward.

Please move on. I find it painful to listen to your criticism of the Edwards'. Your reaction seems very extreme, perhaps indicating that your strong feelings have more to do with your pain. As an Edwards supporter, I feel sad. I always feel sad when a marriage is threatened because I believe in marriage. I feel sad that we get into situations where the pain is so great that we make mistakes. My own marriage was put to the test due to illness and grief that led to mistrust. While there was no affair, my husband and I have had to go to great lengths together to set things on a loving path. I am madly in love with my husband today, but I can also see how easy it would be for folks to make mistakes similar to the Edwards'. We all have to continue to learn new ways of being kind and loving with each other.

I would gladly vote for Mr. Edwards if he can demonstrate thoughtful attention to the situation. I believe he and his wife are as capable of self-searching as anyone. I want a person of humility in leadership position because I admire the strength it takes to overcome ones own humanity. It inspires me. Also, a person with humility will have enough self-honesty and perspective to be effective when making decisions because this person has enough compassion to understand how his choices deeply affect others. If John Edwards is the leader that I believe him to be, he will rise to this situation and transform it. We will all benefit.